Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
