I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
