I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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