my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
