im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
