we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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