i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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