YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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