Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize