Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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