He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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