smell my finger.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
