It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
