having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to sanitize my soul.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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