Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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