Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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