I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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