before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize