his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
