6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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