i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
