There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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