i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
