Umm I'm too high to move.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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