fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
