i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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