Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
