I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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