The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
