Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
