Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
