You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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