I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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