I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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