We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
