I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
