Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
