One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
