that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
