Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
