Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
