My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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