Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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