If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You made out with two different species that night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
