he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
