The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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