So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
