Cold hands, warm shart.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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