I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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