Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
