Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
