If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
