If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
pray to the hookup gods
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
