If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
