Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
