that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
