i already hear my dad disowning me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
