You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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