it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
