pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
