How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
