oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
