I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
