She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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