Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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